What often blocks children are their fears. “Children need to know that there is a spiritual force in the universe that protects them,” said Gray. If you are not sure about what words to use, he suggests entering into the magical thinking of children to find them.
Don’t laugh off your children’s unusual questions. Nor should you feel like you have to give them an encyclopedic answer, said Daniel Gordis, an American rabbi currently teaching in Israel. Instead, create an environment in your home where faith is a possibility and discussions about religious ideas can go on.
Gordis, author of “Becoming a Jewish Parent: How to Explore Spirituality and Tradition With Your Children,” (Harmony Books, 1999, $24), suggests some ways to do that:
Wake your kids up and put them to sleep with a prayer. Read them stories, and have books and magazines available with a spiritual content. Play religious songs along with popular ones.
Do charitable deeds together. Have a box where each of you can drop in small amounts of money. As the fund builds up, decide together to whom you want to contribute it.
Establish rituals, both traditional ones and your own creations. Blend the two. Sometimes girls have been left out, and you can change that. In celebrating a holiday, instead of just identifying the male figures from ancient times, discuss which women are role models and include them in the ceremonies, too.
Similarly, recognize you have the freedom to choose which community you would want to join. If your neighborhood synagogue, church or meeting house does not appeal to you, don’t just give up, said Gordis. Explore other options.
Through the years, Sherry Suttles, a management consultant in Charlotte, N.C., said she has gone to a variety of churches with her teen-age son Kamau. She prefers ones that have some connection to her African-American roots, such as gospel singing or the preaching of an African-American spiritual leader. But what is most important, she said, is whether she can share the beliefs of the congregation.
She does not include her son in all her spiritual searches, however. “There’s too much I can’t explain myself,” she said. But she is not concerned. “He’s doing fine now on his own with what I’ve shared.”